Editor’s Note:
Just a reminder for the readers to appreciate that this opinion column is largely centred around lighthearted fun as its content, with as much focus on tickling the ribs as the minds.
So enjoy it if you can, but don’t take it all too seriously, one way or the other, okay?
Jamaicans always feign embarrassment and horror at the stunning level of violence that happens daily in the seemingly ‘Mad Island’.
But people, I say to you, be ashamed no more! I say, let us celebrate our violence, embrace our cultural peculiarities and idiosyncrasies. Heck, let’s even market it!
Forget about bauxite, the haemorrhaging business process outsourcing sector, the bludgeoned banana industry and other areas of the anaemic agricultural sector. With a little elbow grease and some yard man (and woman) brainpower, we can initiate a new sector with the potential to earn US mega-bucks called (drum roll, please) ‘Vio-tourism’.
Americans are always in for crazy stunts, such as sky diving, sky boarding and bungee jumping. These blokes court disaster just for the thrill of it, the mere adrenaline rush of the moment.
Why not let them do it here? We have over 1,000 murders each year and we vie for the dubious distinction of having the highest murder rate per capita in the world. So why not turn our crime into a cottage industry?
Policing a tough city community.
For one, crime is one of the few growth industries that we have. There are always pockets of war and guaranteed bloodshed all year round, plus we have the wickedly wonderful combination of the aquamarine waters of the Caribbean sea, palm-fringed, white sand beaches and, of course, reggae music.
Think about it people. We may have hit up on a hot formula: sun, sand, sea, sex and simulated violence. It’s beautiful.
You’ve seen the headlines. People come here to die all the time. We simply need to find a way to get paid for it. Our population has a fatal love affair with death. We hang ourselves, shoot and overdose ourselves with such flair and enthusiasm that it would be scary if it weren’t so potentially lucrative. Even our casual conversations between friends are tinged and coloured by-phrases like: ‘mi wi stab yuh enuh’, ‘hey bwoy, who yu a chat to, yuh know mi a wicked man?’ and offensive references to people’s moms at amazing frequencies.
We could kick off our advertising blitz under the tagline: ‘Who wants to live (in Heaven or hell) forever? Come party with us!’
A typical inner-city murder scene.
The adv could read: ‘Are you lacking excitement in your life? Do you need a pick-me-up? Come check out Jamaica’s ‘vio-tourism’ special. Attend a dancehall party and maybe get COVID, maybe get shot, or not? Who cares? Stay at an Airbnb in a guaranteed crime hotspot. Date a lotto scammer. See the ‘shottas’ trade bullets with cops in living colour. Bulletproof jackets are available on rental. Come to Jamaica, let your hair down. Jamaica. Violence. No problem.’
An added bonus could be a tour of infamous spots which would provide for excellent material for an organised schedule. We have places like the site of the ‘Green Bay massacre’, the Gold Street killings, the Braeton Seven killings, the Kraal killings, and, of course, scenic strongholds like Tivoli Gardens, Flanker and Spanish Town.
We could arrange tours of Tivoli Gardens and tell the tales of the Tivoli incursion which largely took place over May 24-25 in 2010 and resulted in the deaths of at least 73 civilians and a soldier, and the wounding of at least 35 others. Isn’t that wicked authenticity and definitely a potential goldmine!
We could sell photos, news-clippings and other memorabilia, and hawk T-shirts with slogans like ‘I Survived a Jamaican dance’ or ‘I Stayed in a Kingston Ghetto and Lived to Tell the Tale’, you know, stuff like that. There could even be a ghetto-style reality series version of ‘Survivor’ right here on the Mad Island.
We are a murderous, unruly set of people, and it is clear that the cops are overwhelmed, our governments over time may have also been overwhelmed and without the real answers to conquer the crime monster nationally, and some shadowy and powerful underworld figures are benefitting from the gun violence, or else why would it be allowed to continue? So who not flip the script and let us all start to actually earn some money from it.
A police team among other groups of law enforcers keeping the lid on the gritty Mountain View Avenue area in Kingston during a period of intense strife there.
According to data compiled by World Population review, Jamaica has experienced a decline in its murder rate over the last three years. In 2017, Jamaica’s homicide rate was 56 per 100,000. In 2018, the homicide rate dropped to 47 per 100,000, but remained three times higher than the average for Latin America and the overall Caribbean.
According to the statistics presented, the decade between 2000 and 2009 saw the highest number of murders committed locally, with 13,418 persons being killed, while 7,621 murders were committed between 1990 and 1999.
The years 2005, 2009 and 2017 were the bloodiest single years, with 1,674, 1,673 and 1,647 homicides, respectively. Since then, the murder rate has dropped to 46.2, which though a continued decline, remains an unhealthy figure on the global stage.
As the Christmas season slips into high gear, the anecdotal accounts of robberies suggest that they are on the uptick, plus there has been a spate of shootings at illegal parties all over the island. Just on Saturday night, two men were shot- one fatally – at a party in Cane River, Bull Bay, St Andrew. No one, it seems, can stop these parties in totality, and the violence seems inevitable and routine at the moment, making it a great untapped resource for the movie I have been dreaming about.
Jamaica, the clock is ticking. Think about the relevance of all that I have raised, but bear in mind that I am now wide awake and also the sober and responsible fellow I have always been.
So there goes that grand idea as far as I am concerned. What say you?
Selah
